I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
