You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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