it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
