She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
