she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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