6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize