just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.