GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.