I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want her autograph on my taint
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.