you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...