his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can