that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...