my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
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We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.