why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
