I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I cannot find my penis.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
