You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
