mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
