I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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