I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
