You're like the curious george of whores
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
