i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
