"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
