Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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