I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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