I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
