We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm bleeding and have questions
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