Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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