a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
