Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
