Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
