Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
