you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
