Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
