I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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