So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
