I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
