The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
