Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
