just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dignity is for republicans.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
