I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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