I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
