im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
