That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
