You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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