My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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