She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
