I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
