I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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