Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
