please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
