Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
