we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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