3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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