When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We're too hungover to prance.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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