I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
