i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
