Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
