we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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