shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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