We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
