He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
