i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
