Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
