It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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