i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
