4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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