I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
