her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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