you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
