Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
