i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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