You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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